A Life Of Contradiction . . .

I’m coming to realize that my life . . . makes no sense. I know, this is a shock to many who know me, but read carefully the preceding words. I didn’t say that I don’t make sense (though that may certainly be the case . . . on occasion), but that my life didn’t make sense. As I near the close of my 36th year of existence, I’m realizing that I’m currently living a contradictory life.

From an outsider’s perspective, I should be thoroughly discouraged at this stage. Well into my third decade of life, I have never been married (nor do I even have any prospects at the moment), do not own my own home, I bicycle everywhere I go, I work retail . . . And the list can go on and on. Not exactly the life most people envy, is it? From a very worldly perspective, I should be despondent, depressed, on the brink of despair. So why, I ask, do I feel more hopeful, more joyful, more satisfied than I ever have in my life?

Paul’s words ring out to me now more than ever when he writes, “I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.” (Philippians 4:9-10, Message) See, it’s no longer about me, and, in truth, it never was. It is now, and always has been, about the One who makes me who I am. I have found the greatest treasure known to man, so how can I be discouraged over petty details?

Besides, Jesus has me taken care of no matter what. “What’s the price of a pet canary? Some loose change, right? And God cares what happens to it even more than you do. He pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail - even numbering the hairs on your head!” (Matthew 10:29-30, Message) He knows every hair on my head - even the graying ones. “Give your attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” (Matthew 6:34, Message) These are the words of Jesus, letting me know that I am seen and cared for in any and all circumstances. Why should I worry? I’m in the palm of His hand, all day, every day.

Besides, I’m stronger when I’m at my weakest, so I don’t have to let difficulties stress me out. Ah, I can almost see the question mark over your head. Paul explained it best. Talking about a handicap that he had asked God to take away three times, and he heard God say, “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into it’s own in your weakness.” Paul continues: “Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so, the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Message)

See? None of it makes sense; not in a typical, world-based view that has been perpetuated by generations of dissatisfied people. But, it’s the life that God has given me in place of my own pitiful attempts to run my own life. “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy of ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30, Message) This is the offer Jesus give to us all. To live in the “unforced rhythms of grace.” To “live freely and lightly.” Yes, even in this world we inhabit, with all the wars, economic instability, and all the rest of the uncertainty. Real rest can indeed be found. I’ve found it, and I know lots of other people who have as well, and it’s all found in a relationship with Christ. Living a contradictory life can be fun - makes people wonder . . .

Before And After . . .

This weekend, my church celebrated 10 years of following hard after Jesus, looking back at all He has done and realizing that He’s only begun. In one short decade, He has used Quest Community Church to bring over 5,500 people from death to life. From 60 people meeting in a hotel banquet room to building a 2,500 seat worship center to make room for more. It’s fairly obvious to me that He’s only begun, and it’s completely undeserved privilege that allows me to live this life.

In the midst of it all I began to reflect on all God has done in my own life. My heart has been transformed, my soul has been redeemed, and my life is irrevocably no longer my own. I barely resemble the man I was 3 years ago:

I used to be so fearful and insecure. Now, I’m becoming a barbarian for Jesus as I learn more of who I truly am in Christ

I once dreamt of fame and prestige. Now, my dream is to make Jesus famous, and it is my honor to serve Him unreservedly.

My heart used to break because I felt forgotten and insignificant. Today, my heart is absolutely undone at the thought of his lost kids, for the ones who don’t yet know Jesus the way I now know Him.

Before, I needed to understand absolutely everything, and got so frustrated at the realization that I couldn’t. Now, I know that I understand absolutely nothing - and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

My question used to be, “God, would You do _________ for me?” No more. I now ask, “God, what do You want me to do for You today?” And, I find that my answer to Him is yes, even before He answers my question.

I had big plans for my life, and none of them have come into being. Now, my only plan is to follow Christ, day by day, step by step - and things are actually happening. Things that I would never have imagined, even if you would have told me. (Habakkuk 1:5)

I spent years trying to earn the love of everyone, including God. Now, I realize that I am so dearly loved by God for no other reason than that He made me. I know this because he sent his only boy to die just so that I could know Him. That love is all that matters, and there’s not a thing I can do to earn it. It is freely given without reservation, and I have gratefully, joyfully received it.

I love my church, I love Jesus who rescued me, and I love this life I get to live, even in the hard things. Sounds crazy, I know, but it’s the best life I’ve ever found, and there’s no turning back.