Thoughts on the impending "holiday" . . .

Perhaps I watch too many movies. Maybe I read too many books. Maybe I just have my expectations set way too high. Or, it could be that I’m just an incurable romantic at heart, despite being buried beneath a slightly cynical exterior. As we approach the 14th of February, I find my thoughts turning to romantic love and relationships, and the lack of either one through the course of my life to date.

I guess I have certain ideas about what that kind of love is supposed to be like, and I have yet to find anything that even remotely resembles it. I see it in other couples, and as much as I try to avoid comparison, I can’t help but wonder what it is they have that I seem to be missing. Is there, like, a romance gene that has somehow been filtered out of my DNA? Is there a defect in my very soul that won’t allow me to have a love like that? Or am I just stupid and oblivious? Whatever the explanation, it brings nothing but frustration.

It feels like I want something that I either can’t or I’m not supposed to have. It’s like the proverbial carrot on a stick, dangling right out there in front of me, taunting me, daring me to reach for it, knowing that it will always be just out of reach, but hoping against hope that, somehow, this time, my reach will exceed my perceived reality.

There are those well meaning people who, in an attempt to be encouraging, tell me to be patient, to wait on God’s timing, that He’s got “someone” out there for me. I’m starting to think this elusive someone may be in the witness protection program.

My guess (and it’s only a guess at this point) is that there’s still something I have yet to learn in this season of singleness, and I’m apparently too thick-skulled to learn it, or even realize what it actually is. Maybe it’s patience, maybe it’s contentment in all circumstances, maybe it’s how to be fully reliant on God alone. Could be all of the above, or it could be, in the words of the boys from Monty Python, “something completely different.”

James 1:2-4 reads, “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” I want everything God has for me in this, and I want to be “perfect and complete,” but I don’t necessarily want to wait for it. Sort of a spiritual catch-22.

There’s a phrase that appears 3 times in Song Of Solomon that says “do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” I, admittedly, have been guilty of awakening love well before the alarm was set to go off. It’s probably no accident that it’s never turned out very well. And, those experiences may have made me err on the side of extreme caution (hence my propensity towards waiting 5-6 years between relationships). Probably not the healthiest of responses, either. So, it seems there’s a balance to be struck; a balance between caution and risk-taking. I’ve yet to find where that balance lies, but I think I’m inching closer to it, day by day.

For now, I’m simply asking God to direct me into each step He wants me to take, to point out each turn as He wants me to take it. I’m asking Him to highlight hope, to show me glimpses into the plans He’s leading me into, to spur me on to continued obedience and trust in Him and Him alone. I’m asking for an increased capacity to learn whatever it is I’m supposed to be learning. And, I’m asking for Anne Hathaway to find Christ, move into town and fall madly in love with me. (OK, the last one is a pipe dream, but, you have to admit, she’s really cute.) There may or may not be someone out there for me, but I know that, no matter what, I am loved, and I am more than the sum of my emotions and my past. And, really, who could ask for anything more?

Resolved . . .

So, another year comes to an end, and all over the world, people are contemplating how to make the coming year better. Such contemplation often takes the form of new year’s resolutions. The most common resolutions range in topic from physical fitness to financial solvency, from the amassing of physical possessions to the downsizing of said possessions.

As I’ve been reflecting over my past resolutions, I’ve noticed that they’re all of a temporary nature. Physical fitness is a constantly fluctuating standard, and possessions are only satisfying until the next greatest thing is invented and released into the wilds of retail. This year, I want my resolution to have a more lasting quality. As I’ve pondered and thought and analyzed and read, I think I’ve finally hit upon the best resolution I could possibly make. Consider the following verses . . .

“Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, ‘I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.’” John 8:12

“This is what the Lord says- your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is good for you and leads you along the paths you should follow.’” Isaiah 48:17

“Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth!” Psalm 86:11a

“I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart.” Psalm 40:8

There are countless programs and plans, classes and seminars, all designed to improve our lives. Only problem is, in most cases, they’re only treating the symptoms of deeper reaching issues. It’s not about dropping a few pounds or saving a few bucks. It’s all about the state of the heart, a deeper longing that few want to examine because it requires asking hard questions and, often, taking drastic action. It’s because, as a whole, we’ve gotten away from the truth. We’ve forgotten that there’s a higher power at work, one that transcends our own desires, that which we mistakenly term “needs.” I’m tired of treating symptoms. I want to address the root of the problem, the heart of the matter.

How does one go about such an undertaking, one might ask. The answer is simple. Not easy, but simple. It is from this answer that my new year’s resolution is derived. I hereby resolve to live out 2009 following Jesus into wherever he guides and directs; to live my life squarely and securely in the middle of his will. Each day will be committed to him. Each decision will be made after seeking his guidance.

I’ve tried to make my own decisions. I wore my self-sufficiency as a badge of honor. And it got me nowhere. I was left unfulfilled and alone. What kind of life is that?! Not one that I want to live anymore. So this year, I cling to Philippians 2:13; “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” See, I don’t even have to attempt my resolution on my own.

Happy new year, my friends. May the blessings of 2009 double those of 2008. And may you wholeheartedly follow God’s leading for your life. And may you daily catch glimpses of his love for you.

Christmas Questions

Of the four gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke & John), only two cover the birth of Christ, Matthew & Luke. Luke devotes two verses to Jesus’ actual birth (Luke 2:6-7), while Matthew gives the event thirteen words, only half of a verse (Matthew 2:1a). Seems odd to me that the birth of the Messiah that the Israelites had been waiting on for 400 years, the Savior of the world, would garner so little ink in the Word of God. What does rate some time in these pages is how people reacted to this birth. Wise men from the east sought him, the king at the time tried to have him killed: this is all detailed in Matthew’s account. Luke’s account, however, is what I find most fascinating.

See, there were these shepherds tending their sheep in the dead of the night. There they were, minding their own business, when suddenly, an angel appears. Much as you or I would be, they were afraid, terrified. The angel, first calming their fears, made the following proclamation; “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior – yes, the Messiah, the Lord – has been born today in Bethlehem, the City of David!” (Luke 2:10-11) The shepherds, upon hearing this, left their sheep, ran to Bethlehem to see the child, and then ran to tell everyone the met what they had seen.

My question is this: why the shepherds? Why did they get the angelic treatment? These guys were the forgotten ones, the low men on the social totem pole. Most proud fathers of newborns that I know center all the attention around their new child. God, being the ultimate in fatherhood, should, logically, have sent the angels to circle his boy that had just been born in human flesh. But no, he sent the angels to, of all people, the shepherds! Why?!

As I’ve been rolling this over in my head, I finally realized the reason. Jesus was not sent so that God could take pride in his own child. Jesus was sent so that we could know God to the fullest extent. Jesus was a gift to the world, to us, to you and me. Without Jesus, the broken, flawed, forgotten people of the world could never know the love God wants to lavish over them in ridiculous, unimaginable ways. This is why the angels were sent to the shepherds. They were the ones for whom this gift was meant, so God sent his best to let them know that their gift had finally arrived. Having received this most precious gift, they went and told everyone they could find that their gift had arrived as well.

For those of us who have already received this gift, let’s follow the shepherds’ example. Spread the word. Take this amazing gift to those who have yet to know the love of Christ. And for those who are still waiting, who still feel unloved, unwanted and undeserving of such a gift, consider this your official proclamation. “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior – yes, the Messiah, the Lord – has been born!” Your gift has arrived. Don’t wait any longer to receive it.

A Thin Line Of Grace

Grace is tricky. Not intentionally, of course. But, I think, we make it more difficult than it has to be. Grace, for those unclear on the concept, is made most clear by Paul: “When people work, their wages are not a gift, but something they have earned. But people are counted as righteous, not because of their work, but because of their faith in God who forgives sinners.” (Romans 4:4-5) The modern explanation goes something like this: God cannot be in the presence of sin. We, as inherently sinful beings, cannot therefore be in the presence of God unless we are made righteous, or sinless, in His eyes. The only way that happens is through the death and resurrection of Christ. Righteousness is, therefore, not something we can earn, but is a gift given to us by way of the cross.

Here’s where we often trip ourselves up. Because we are now seen as sinless in the eyes of God, we can feel as if we have free reign. After all, if we’re covered by grace, then we can do anything we want without fear of divine retribution, right? Well, yes and no.

Technically, that’s correct. For those who have a relationship with Christ and have the Spirit living in them, grace covers our sin, past, present and future. However, our choices still have consequences for which we will be held accountable.

Apparently, this is not a new struggle. The folks in Corinth, back in the day, felt entitled to what Paul terms “sexual immorality.” He writes, “You say, ‘I am allowed to do anything’ – but not everything is good for you. And even though ‘I am allowed to do anything,’ I must not become a slave to anything.” (I Corinthians 10:23) Wisdom has to play a part in our behavior as followers of Christ.

Fortunately, there are guidelines for us to follow relating to us and to others. First, for the benefit of our own hearts: in teaching on lust & adultery, Jesus said, “So if your eyes – even your good eye – causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” (Matthew 5:29) A graphic image, to be sure. But a sound principle. If something is causing you to sin, then it needs to be removed from your life. For some, that might mean throwing out some magazines or DVD’s, filtering or eliminating the internet, cutting up credit cards, emptying liquor bottles into the sink . . . whatever is causing us to sin by mere existence and proximity, it needs to vanish.

Then, for the hearts of others, there’s this: “So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.” (Romans 14:13) This can be a harder one to gauge. For some people, this may mean not having a beer during a football game, even though you may really want one. For others, it may mean being a little more discerning with clothing selections. It could even mean not giving the one finger salute during rush hour, even if that jerk did cut you off.

So, yes, technically, grace does cover a multitude of sins. That doesn’t mean we’re entitled to go on committing them. Desire must give way to wisdom if we are to live our lives well. It’s a fine line, but it’s one worth defining.

Dangerous Prayer . . .

On the whole, we pray pretty safe prayers. On the one hand, we can pray fairly innocuous prayers, such as saying grace before meals or vague requests such as, “God, be with Bob today.” These prayers really don’t require a lot of faith on our part, mainly because, most of the time, we’re not actually communicating anything of substance. I’m not saying these prayers are wrong. I just think that, on some level, God may want us to be a little bolder, a little more forward thinking.

On the other side of the fence, there are those prayers that we can be fairly certain won’t turn out that way we’d really want them to. These would include prayers like: God, let me pick the winning lottery numbers this week; Lord, let me find a Porsche in the driveway in the morning; God, let Anne Hathaway realize she’s madly in love with me. These prayers are pretty ridiculous in scope, and we usually know as we pray them that it just ain’t going to happen (though I’m still holding out hope for that Anne Hathaway thing).

Then there are those who dare to pray the dangerous prayers; the ones that require more on our part than just uttering some words in the general direction of Heaven. These require a heavy dose of faith, as well as some investment on our part. I’ve started to borrow one that David wrote in Psalms. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” (Psalm 139:23-24)

That’s a pretty bold prayer. Think about it this way; when you go to the doctor for a physical exam, you want the doc to be pretty thorough, even if it involves some discomfort. Why? If there’s something wrong with you, you want it discovered so that you can take the measures necessary to be healed. David wanted the same thorough exam for his heart, so that he could grow stronger and become more and more the man after God’s own heart that he was meant to be.

This is my desire as well. I want so much to live up to what I was designed for, to realize the potential that was placed in me since before I was born. I want to be known as a man after God’s own heart, too. Growing into that description requires lots of examination and a form of spiritual surgery. Not comfortable, not preferable, but it’s absolutely necessary.

So, I offer a challenge. Take David’s prayer as your own. It’s not an easy prayer, because, when God answers it, you’ll have some work to do. But, on the other side of it all, you’ll be better off for having done it.

The Stigma Of The Aging Single Man . . .

I’ve been thinking about status lately (and I don’t mean Facebook status updates, although I do probably put too much though into those at times). No, I mean status as in social standing, how others view me, and how I view myself. Different labels come pretty easily. Piano player. Punster. Movie lover. Star Wars geek. Bachelor.

That last one, bachelor, has been popping into my consciousness more and more lately, especially as I’m getting older and greyer. It seems to me, in my entirely unscientific observation, that there are two basic thoughts on guys my age or older that have never been married.

1. “You must be one of those playboy George Clooney types, going out with a different supermodel every other week.”
2. “You’re that old & you’ve never been married? What’s wrong with you?”

These are both annoying, because I often find myself wishing the first one were true, and praying that the second one isn’t. It’s just so difficult not to succumb to the stigma of singleness (pardon my alliteration). After you get to a certain age (in my case, 36), one starts to wonder whether or not there actually is something wrong with me (other than the fact that I’m a big chicken when to comes to dating). Then the questions come: Why aren’t I married yet? Why can’t I get a woman to stay with me for any extended period of time? Am I just doing something wrong? Is there something inherently wrong with me? And it goes on and on . . .

In the middle of all this questioning, I remember Paul’s words to the Corinthians: “So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows – it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.” (I Cor. 7:8-9) Just a couple of verses before, he refers to singleness as a gift. If I’m really honest, it’s a gift I’d like to exchange sometimes. It’s that whole “burn with lust” clause. Show me a man who doesn’t deal with lust on a daily basis, and I’ll show you someone who’s either a liar or dead. So, short of becoming a eunuch, marriage seems to be the best option. The only other barrier seems to be a willing partner, which just opens up a whole other line of thought that really isn’t worth going into.

So, with all the doubts and questions circling like vultures above my heart, I choose to believe the following:

God delights in me and rejoices over me with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
He will never stop doing good to me. (Jeremiah 32:40)
He catches all my tears (Psalm 56:8) and wipes them all away. (Revelation 7:17)
He has good and perfect plans for me. (Jeremiah 32:40)
In Him, I will discover who I am and what I’m living for. (Ephesians 1:11)
I am His beloved child and He is so pleased with me. (Matthew 3:17)

For all the questioning and doubting, the loneliness and labeling, I get to rest in this fact: I’m simply His, and He’s got things planned for me. They may or may not involve a woman, and either way, I’m OK with it . . . well, most of the time . . .

Reflections on Isaiah 6:8

“Here am I. Send me.” Just five words. Five simple words. However, if spoken in heartfelt sincerity, they can be among the most dangerous (and most freeing) words on the planet. If you say these words, and really meant it, God will send you. You may not know where, and you most likely won’t know why, but He will send you.
I’ve had to ask myself lately if these are words I’m really ready to say. More to the point, am I willing to say them? After all, willingness is implied in the first three of these words. “Here am I.” As if to say, “I’m willing, I’m available, I’m as ready as I’m ever going to be.” These words require no small amount of courage to say with any degree of sincerity.
Then there’s the second part: “Send me.” Almost feels like asking for, begging for the unknown. It really seems counterintuitive. Send me into uncertainty. Send me into potential danger. Send me into harm’s way. More to the point, send me into the brokenness of the world, into the midst of the hurting, wounded hearts of a fallen world.
Who actually wants that kind of life? What kind of person requests it? I’ll tell you who – someone who has truly experienced the life-changing love of Christ. One who knows that transformation is not only possible, but necessary if this world is to have any sense of hope at all. One who knows that the shift in heart that they have experienced can change this world, even if it’s just one heart at a time.
I’ve spent a lot of time immersed in selfishness, under the guise of “drawing closer to God.” There are many who use church as a spiritual filling station, topping off the tank before embarking on another week. Let me offer something I’ve learned. If you want a heart that is consistently full of the love of Christ, then you have to continually empty it. The more you empty yourself by drenching others in His love, the more your own heart will overflow, allowing you pour out even more, bringing even more overflow, and that cycle will go on, and on, and on. But, the cycle has to start somewhere, and it starts here:
“Here am I! Send me!”