Remebrance

Tonight was kind of a hard night at church. My pastor talked about “What Happens 30 Seconds After You Die.” It was not easy territory. He spoke of when his mother died while he was in his mid 20’s, and it reminded me of when my Mom passed away almost 10 years ago.

In October of ‘08, Mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. Just 3 days shy of 1 year later, on October 19th, 2009, she went home to see Jesus face to face. There’s a part of me that wouldn’t take her away from Paradise for all the money in the world, but there’s the other (admittedly selfish) part of me that would give everything to have her back, even for a day.

I guess there are just some questions to which I’d love to have the answer. With all the changes wrought in my life, especially over the last few years, what would she say about how my life has turned out thus far? How would she feel? Would she be proud, disappointed? Would her opinion be any different now having experienced Heaven first hand?

I know I’ll never have these answers this side of Heaven. And I’m not dwelling on the answers as if my life and my self-esteem hinges upon them. I know in my mind and my heart that those things should only come from God, but, being human, that slips from my conscious mind more often than I would prefer.

It occurs to me that Mom loved yellow roses, and, a few years before she was diagnosed, she had planted some rose bushes outside the house. After Mom died, winter came, and with snow on the ground, the yellow rose bush bloomed. Unlikely as it was, it seemed to me as if Mom was letting me know that she made it home OK, and that she’d always be around.

Jesus, if you see Mom up there . . . tell her I love her and I miss her.