Get to know me!

I love recognition.

I don’t mean receiving accolades for doing something good. In this case, I refer to simply being unexpectedly recognized in public. Every so often, in my job, I’ll come across someone whose face I recall seeing around church, but can’t quite put a name to. Of course, with my luck, they know my name, so I’m left trying to remember theirs while using nicknames like “brother,” “sport,” “champ,” and other such nonsense that just makes me sound like a dork.

Regardless, it makes me feel good to be recognized in such a capacity. In a way, it gives validation to my existence. On those invisible days, when it seems like no one notices I’m around, a simple, unexpected hello can be all it takes to lift my spirits and feel visible again.

But there’s a problem.

I think I’m starting to settle for being recognized instead of being known.

Yes, there’s a difference. I’m realizing that I tend to keep people at arm’s length. I try not to get too close, or to let others get too close to me. It’s safer that way. Sort of a “stay back and no one gets hurt” mentality.

My desires in this area are changing, though. I’m finding that I want to be known. I mean really known. More than just the superficial things like my favorite movie or favorite ice cream flavor (Mr. Holland’s Opus and rocky road, respectively). I want to be known so deeply and intimately that words aren’t necessary. There are few who know me that well. Maybe one or two people in Oklahoma, and perhaps my parents. That’s about it.

The thing is, having never made myself that accessible to people, I don’t really know where to start. I’ve made a few strides here and there with some folks at church, but I still feel like there are greater depths to be explored here. I just haven’t figured out how to reach them yet. It has helped to discover that Someone knows me better than I even know myself.

Psalm 139 starts out, “O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.” (vs. 1) Not intimidating at all is it? God has looked at my heart. He knows my innermost thoughts and feelings. How? He “made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (vs. 13) You’d think, having made something, pretty much from scratch, the Creator would know what makes it tick.

Now here’s the mind-blowing part. Even after examining my heart and knowing every little thought that flits through my flawed human brain, He still loves me. “How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered. I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!” (vs. 17-18) Even knowing all the foolish, impure, and downright bad thoughts that enter and exit my mind on a daily basis, after seeing the sin and foolishness that I’m capable of, He sticks with me and loves me madly, passionately. My new favorite verse, Zephaniah 3:17, says “For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” God sings over me! And He sings over you! God, with His infinite, intimate knowledge of me, good and bad, sings about me.

I suppose this means that, if God can know me this well and still like me, then it’ll be all right to risk letting my fellow human beings, my brothers and sisters in Christ, know me a little better, and they’ll still like me, or at the very least accept me as I am.

So, my goal over the next few weeks (months, years, etc.) is to simply be me. Not a self-styled, idealized version of me, but just me. Flaws and all. No sense in denying the flaws are there. That’s obvious. Better to embrace the work that God can do in and around those flaws and realize the potential of growth by letting God deal with them, whether it be within my own heart or through others. It all begins by being real and allowing myself to be known.