Check, please . . .

This is not the life I wanted.

I wish there were some kind of waiter that would come by and ask how everything is, so I could send my life back and get a new one, because THIS is not what I ordered. Sadly, that’s not how things operate. There’s no 800 number to call and complain. There’s no customer satisfaction survey to fill out. You’re just expected to take what you’re given and do the best you can. What a way to run a universe.

There are days I want to sue God for breach of contract. Wasn’t there something about granting the desires of my heart? I looked it up, and there it is, in black and white: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4) Well, I’m looking around, and I don’t see the desires of my heart. I’m not disgustingly wealthy. I’m not married to a Charlize Theron clone. I don’t have my time machine. (OK, even I can admit the last one was a little out there.)

Of course, as I look at it now, I don’t necessarily think I’ve lived up to my part of the deal. There’s a condition on the desires portion of that verse. “Delight yourself in the Lord.” Have I really done that? Let me look back over my day. I was impatient with some customers today. I got bonked on the head by some heavy art at work and thought, if I didn’t actually say, some words unbecoming to a professed follower of Christ. I failed to heed Paul’s advice to Timothy, the one about looking on women with “absolute purity.” (I Timothy 5:1-2) I don’t think that God was too delighted with my actions today, which would show that I wasn’t exactly delighting myself in Him. So how does anyone live up to this hopelessly high standard?

There was something I heard in church tonight that put all this in perspective. It was a simple phrase: align your heart with the heart of God. This, in my mind, involves seeing others the way God sees them. It means having a heart that breaks upon encountering someone who doesn’t know Christ and swells when a lost child of God finds his or her way home. It also means that, rather than complaining about what’s wrong, I seek out what God has for me to learn about myself or Him in my current circumstance. It means praising Him, even when I don’t exactly feel like lifting up a song of jubilation at the time. It means I remember that, contrary to my perception, God had EVERYTHING under control.

As I get these things solidified in my mind, I’m beginning to realize that my desires are changing. They’re starting to look more like the things God wants. My concerns are starting to shift from myself to others. I’m more concerned for the state of their souls than I am about my own idea of what is right and proper.

I forget these things far too often. I’m just glad that God loves me enough to continually forgive me when I do. Otherwise, there’d be no hope whatsoever.

This is not the life I wanted. But it’s the one God has given me, and I’m going to do the best I can with it, try to live it the way God would have me live. And hopefully, living my life in this manner will point others to Christ. That’s what life is all about, really.